Almost,

 You ever think about all the times that you went left, when you should have gone right,  if your life would be different?

The almost?

I think about that all the time.

Well, I almost kissed that one person and I almost did that one thing, and today... well, today I'll live to see tomorrow.

Take care of yourself.

Love,
Phyre

❤️

Somedays it be that way...

Do you ever wake up and have all these plans in your head of what you want to get done in the day, and then your day goes sideways? You have to change every plan, or you don't get it done, or you have to move it to a different day.

Then you add all the fun body things, the money things, feeling lonely all the time, and it is like, why even be human?

Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Maybe it will not.
Till then, know that you are loved, if by none other than me.

Phyre

💙

I really want to disapear

That gnawing feeling of superficial connection, of being known only on the surface, not truly seen or understood.

It's a loneliness that goes beyond simple solitude; it's the ache of wanting a profound, meaningful connection, a love that reaches beyond pleasantries and polite conversation, a bond that delves into the complexities of your soul, your vulnerabilities, your hopes, and fears.  You crave acceptance not just for who you present to the world, but for the messy, imperfect, authentic you. 

You long for someone who sees past the carefully constructed facade, someone who cherishes the parts of you that you often hide, someone who loves you completely, flaws and all, on a level that transcends the everyday.  It's a yearning for genuine intimacy, for a connection so deep it feels like coming home.  A desire for a love that isn't just a reflection of your outward appearance, but a celebration of your inner world.

Navigating Self-Worth After a Challenging Doctor's Visit

 

Navigating Self-Worth After a Challenging Doctor's Visit

For many of us, doctor’s visits are already loaded with anxiety. We walk in hoping for reassurance, clarity, or guidance—but sometimes, we walk out carrying the heavy weight of harsh words, misunderstood symptoms, or unexpected news. If you’ve ever felt your self-worth take a hit after a doctor’s appointment, know that you’re not alone.

The Emotional Impact of Medical Encounters

Medical appointments can be especially vulnerable experiences. Our health—physical, mental, or emotional—is deeply tied to our sense of self. When a healthcare provider dismisses our concerns, focuses solely on weight, or seems impersonal, it can leave us feeling invalidated, unheard, or even judged. And while their intentions might not be malicious, the fallout can still sting.

Why It Hurts

1. Personal Validation: When our health struggles are questioned or minimized, it can feel like our lived experience is being denied.

2. Societal Messages: Many of us already wrestle with external pressures about body image, productivity, or "being healthy." A negative or impersonal medical interaction can amplify those inner critics.

3. Trust and Vulnerability: Seeking medical advice often means exposing fears or admitting vulnerabilities. When this openness isn’t met with compassion, it can be deeply discouraging.

Steps to Reframe and Rebuild

While it’s easy to spiral into self-doubt, there are ways to process these experiences constructively and safeguard your sense of self-worth:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings • Give yourself permission to feel upset, frustrated, or disappointed. Suppressing emotions often leads to them manifesting in other, more harmful ways.

2. Separate the Provider from the Problem • Remember, a single appointment or one healthcare provider’s perspective doesn’t define your worth. Their expertise is not the sum total of your value.

3. Seek Validation Elsewhere • Reach out to supportive friends, family, or online communities who can listen without judgment. Sometimes, sharing your story is a healing act in itself.

4. Advocate for Yourself • If possible, consider seeking a second opinion or switching providers. Your health deserves a team that respects and supports you.

5. Focus on Your Strengths • Reflect on the resilience it took to address your health in the first place. Taking charge of your well-being, even in the face of adversity, is no small feat.

A Gentle Reminder

You are not defined by a number on a scale, a misunderstood symptom, or a passing comment. Your worth is intrinsic and unwavering, even if it feels fragile in moments like these. Reclaiming your sense of self-worth after a difficult doctor’s visit takes time and care, but it’s a journey you’re strong enough to undertake.

Remember, it’s okay to feel hurt, but don’t let that pain write your story. You are your own best advocate, and your voice matters—always.

Small Atom, Big Space

Have you ever thought really deep, deep thoughts?

 
Hold on with me here, I know, I'm a strange one but really when you think about the Earth being a closed bubble, that means that every living thing that has ever breathed has at one time inhaled and exhaled the same air as you.

So if you're ever feeling small and disconnected, there's maybe that small oddball thought to make you feel grounded and connected to everyone else.




From my far, far strange side of the digital space,

Phyre

💙
 








Well, I know what you want from me
You want someone to be
Your reflection, your bitter deception
Setting you free
So you take what you want and leave
Who made you like this?
Who encrypted your dark gospel in body language?
Synapses snap back in blissful anguish
Tell me you met me in past lives, past life
Past what might be eating me from the inside, darling
Half algorithm, half deity
Glitches in the code or gaps in a strange dream
Tell me you guessed my future and it mapped onto your fantasy
Turn me into your mannequin and I'll turn you into my puppet queen
Won't you come and dance in the dark with me?
Show me what you are, I am desperate to know
Nobody better than the perfect enemy
Digital demons make the night feel heavenly
Make it real
'Cause anything's better than the way I feel right now
I can offer you a blacklit paradise

Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky
Lipstick, chemtrails, red flags, pink nails
With one eye on the door, other eye on a rail
Other, other eye following a scarlet trail
And the last few drops from the Holy Grail, now

Rose gold chains, ripped lace, cut glass
Blood stains on the collar, please, just don't ask
Be the first to the feast, let's choke on the past
And take to the broken skies at last

Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky

Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky

Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky

Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky

Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky

Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky

Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky

Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky

You're gonna watch me ascend
And I know what you want from me
You want the same as me
My redemption, eternal ascension

Setting me free
So I'll take what I want then leave
You make me wish I could disappear, oh
You make me wish I could disappear

In the Tower

You know when you're chronically ill and you have a good handle on your illness and you start thinking you can be a normal human again.

And then life hands you a big ol' reminder that says F' you have a physical manifestation of WHY you can never have normal, but yay for upcoming birthdays and doctor appointments am I right?

What a joke, so I can go in, and they can draw blood, and move meds around and hope that things improve.

But the drowning fatigue, the constant nausea, the wonderful seizures, the vomiting, the depression all the other things that come with being me being broken a broken fibro queen

It is what it is. 

So, I stay in the tower, because it's easier than trying.

 

All The Spaces In Between

 Somedays, I wonder why I'm here,
I wake
I eat
I have panic attacks
I vomit
I cry
I rinse and repeat.

Somedays I write, and some days I do nothing but sleep the day away because the depression is so bad.

But some days, the days and the spaces in between, I hang out with my friends and I hope I make a lasting impact on their lives, because if not I don't even know why I'm around. 

Most days I feel like a giant waste of space, of life, and resources.

Like what is the point of me?

I don't know what I add to this world.

So if you're feeling this way, know that you're necessary to the people in your life, they think you're valuable and worthy of their time. 

Love,

Phyre

❤️

CBT, Depression And Me!

Things I Have To Rember!

As a human who suffers from Major Depression, these things can all affect me and I need to start keeping better track of when these things are pushing in on my bubble and that I'm effectively using all of my coping skills to mitigate some of my dysfunction. I need to remember that none of these things lessen my value as a human, they are just things that happen in my life.

• Things turning out badly. 
• Getting what you don’t want. 
• Not getting what you want and believe you need in life; thinking about what you have not gotten that you wanted or needed. 
• Not getting what you have worked for. 
• Things are worse than you expected. 
• The death of someone you love; thinking about the deaths of people you love. 
• Losing a relationship; thinking about losses. 
• Being separated from someone you care for or value; thinking about how much you miss someone.  Being rejected or excluded. 
• Being disapproved of or disliked; not being valued by people you care about. 
• Discovering that you are powerless or helpless. 
• Being with someone else who is sad, hurt, or in pain. 
• Reading about other people’s problems or troubles in the world
  
  
  

Are these things maybe pressing in on your bubble and making you feel a little tight in your skin? What are some things that you can do to give you space? If they are, it might be something to think about. Just know, you're valid, valued, and necessary. I love you.

Phyre

❤️

Some days

 

Some days I can write like the world is on fire and the ink just pours from me and other days I hate it, the words won't flow and the ink is clogging my vines like oil sludge, and I hate the way I feel and I hate the way the world feels and I want to drown myself in my own misery. 


I want a giant hand to reach up and pull me under the ground until I become one with the dark soil and I disappear forever. Maybe one day that will happen, who knows. However, if you are reading this posthumously, know that I love you and I think that you are a fantastic human, you got this. 

If I am reading this at a later time in my life. What's shakin boo? Are we doing okay? Is this blog still a thing?

Just know it's all a cycle, an ebb and flow.
I love you.

Phyre 

❤️

My brain is a f*cking mess today!

 No Really

My brain is being a royal bitch today, we go from loving ourselves to wanting to jump off a bridge, and honestly, this is the part of depression no one really talks about. This dumb yo-yo that your brain will go through in one day, this fast cycle that will sometimes happen.

I guess I just have to give myself some grace, and maybe go take a freaking nap.

Just know that if you're somewhere in the digital space, and you're reading this and you're going through the same shit as me today, know you're not alone and I see you. We got this. This messy, weird thing called life, managing it in our meat mechs.

Sending you oodles of love,
Phyre ❤️

Happy New Years DAY 2025!

HAPPY 2025

As we step into 2025, I want to share my deepest wishes for each of you. I hope this year brings you boundless joy, financial blessings that ease your worries, and love so steady and profound that it wraps around you like the warmest embrace.

I wish for your dreams to take flight and for you to receive most of what you desire and everything you truly need. May your days be filled with laughter, your nights with peace, and your hearts with the kind of contentment that lingers long after the moment passes.

I am so grateful to call you my friends and family, and I count you among my greatest blessings. Here's to another year of love, growth, and cherished memories together.

With all my love,
Phyre